I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
