I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize