Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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