I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
