Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
