She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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