omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
