my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
