Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
