Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
