bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
