Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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