You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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