if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
