girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
