You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Too much gin, very little bucket
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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