youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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