i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
