Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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