once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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