I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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