He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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