I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
