bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
