I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
