Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think I died a long time ago.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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