Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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