she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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