I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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