I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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