i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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