I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My cat gives me a boner
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
