first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
