You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
