it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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