I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
