direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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