girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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