My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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