Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
