Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
