You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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