i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
