I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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