she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
