I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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