Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
