I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
