Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
