Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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