he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
