dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize