Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
