I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize