Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
