Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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