I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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