Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
