It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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