Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
