I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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