Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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