I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
