I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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