Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
