it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
FUCK WHALES
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