6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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