I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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