why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
