I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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