Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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