How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize