he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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