I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
