She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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